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Sunday, November 28, 2004

One fan's take on Dirk-hype

[I found these quips at an NBA forum. The author is sarcastically responding to what he considers a little too much Dirk-hype early in the season. yuck yuck, not bad. FK]

-He [Dirk] was once caught poaching in Africa, and planned to sell ivory. He was caught, and had the wit to lie and say he was killing the elephants for meat. I'll be damned if he didn't sit there in front of the ranger and eat every last one of those rotting elephant carcases, just to corroborate his story.

-He watched, in the following order: How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Titanic, and three entire WNBA games, just to show it could be done, and to win a $10 bet from Tariq Abdul-Wahad. When Abdul-Wahad refused to pay, Dirk didn't care, as he had already proven his point.

-Quagmire from Family Guy is loosely based on Dirk.

The Mavericks once held a high-stakes handicap fight- no holds barred- pitting Dirk against Evan Eschmeyer and Wang Zhi Zhi. The match lasted a remarkable 18 rounds, ending in a draw. Post-match, it was learned that Dirk was unaware the fight had begun. This may not say much for his attentiveness, but the remarkable fact that Dirk was able to battle two larger men to a standstill without even being consciously aware of it shows how he has a sixth- no, no.....a SEVENTH- sense beyond what us normal humans can even comprehend.

Though his current human form is in its mid-20's, Nowitzki is the force largely responsible for the Industrial Revolution, the Renaissance, the Magna Carta, Debbie Does Dallas, and penicillin.

Oh, and Transformers. Much like Dirk, they were more than meets the eye.

The Nowitzki (yes....he is now prefaced with a "The")sacrificies a small Vietnamese man to the gods before every road game. To a man, every last one of them are thrilled that their last moments are spent in The Nowitzki's presence.


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